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Anxious Dave 1:38 Fri Dec 2
Mum's got cancer

I've wiped my knob on the tumour.

Out of interest, did you cunts make a fuss or stick to the normal daily shenanigans/routine? Genuine query to glean info from folk who have actually gone through this scenario...rather than, necessarily, to expect nuggets of wisdom.

Crassus 8:15 Sat Dec 3
Re: Mum's got cancer

Very sad posts on this thread , best wishes to those with or standing by supportively as their nearest struggle with this absolute bastard of a disease

Foul condition but increasingly not the end game, so be strong and as I said, very best wishes

Mart O 1:54 Sat Dec 3
Re: Mum's got cancer

Cheers stomper.

stomper 12:44 Sat Dec 3
Re: Mum's got cancer

Mart O

Well, good luck to your mum. May she have many good days

wansteadman 11:57 Fri Dec 2
Re: Mum's got cancer

My mum had cancer then was told it was gone as they kept testing the place she first had it then found out she had it everywhere Decided she wanted to go at home and we had Marie curey in and they were marvellous. Very hard sitting with her while she slowly slipped away though .

Mart O 11:46 Fri Dec 2
Re: Mum's got cancer

Could not be more true, Stomper.

My old mum has just been diagnosed with a disease that is to all intents and purposes terminal (pulmonary fibrosis). No chemo or whatever thank Christ but no cure either, other than a lung transplant, which she would not survive, given the various other conditions she has.

She's 75 and far from daft but it has taken months of arguing to get her to agree to let her doctors talk to me directly. Apart from anything else she simply gets confused about what all the terminology means and as often as not forgets whats she's been told.

She may live two years, she may live five. We've yet to tell her what this illness means as she's always said she wouldn't want to know. Just had one uncle die of cancer (my dad's younger brother - I've never seen my old boy hit so hard), but I have another who just seems to have beaten it, for now.

It ain't over till it's over. All the stuff below about positive thinking strikes me as self-evident.

stomper 7:51 Fri Dec 2
Re: Mum's got cancer

I think the best advice I've heard here is to go with her to appointments.
It can be very difficult to take in what the Oncologist is saying sometimes. You hear "Cancer blah blah blah tumour blah blah blah."
So a second pair of ears is very useful, and you can talk about it on the way home.

Good luck to mum

Mike Oxsaw 7:41 Fri Dec 2
Re: Mum's got cancer

All the best for your mum, Dave.

One thing that I've had re-enforced in me through my association with homeless people over the last 6 months or so is that just having someone to listen to is a big help.

I'm no "Samaritan", but am happy/happier just to sit and "let someone get things off their chest", even though they know I can't actually do much/anything about their situation.

What I'm actually trying to say is that many people don't actually need or want you to "do" anything other than just "be around". That may well be enough, but I'm sure you'll soon know if it's not.

grasshopper 6:23 Fri Dec 2
Re: Mum's got cancer

All the best dave

HairyHammer 5:59 Fri Dec 2
Re: Mum's got cancer

Just love your mum every day, so hopefully as you were.

I wish her and your family the best of luck, and remember that people do come out the other side well and healthy from this, it does happen much more often than many think.

Darlo Debs 2:45 Fri Dec 2
Re: Mum's got cancer

Sorry to hear that AD, hope she is able to make a full recovery.
Take your lead from how she wants to deal with it I think, if it hasn't been suggested already, might be worth having a chat with Macmillan support who can advise on ways to support your mum,
Good luck x

gank 1:11 Fri Dec 2
Re: Mum's got cancer

Is it better to die of cancer or to die from the common cold?

Cancer, I reckon.

VirginiaHam 1:09 Fri Dec 2
Re: Mum's got cancer

Treat each day as a normal day. Be positive that you will win. Be ready to win as a team.

The good news is they are making advances in treatment every day,so every day alive is a step towards extended life, if that is what she wants, after a couple of years of needles and hospitals.

There are lots of support forums out there........here's an example. http://www.rare-cancer.org/forum/

These places pool resources, talk about new drugs, shared experiences and you realise you aren't alone.

Good luck, keep ze chin up.

southlondonhammer 11:53 Fri Dec 2
Re: Mum's got cancer

Horrible disease.

Going through this with my old man at the moment, been fighting it for the last 5 years, think its won now though, currently in a hospice and shedding weight like there is no tomorrow, he was told 2 weeks at most which was 2 and half weeks ago so you never know.

Best of luck to you and yours and hope its something which she can battle through and recover from.

On The Ball 11:44 Fri Dec 2
Re: Mum's got cancer

Got to echo the words below about how brilliant the NHS are in these circumstances. You'll find the most lovely and genuinely caring people around in oncology.

On The Ball 11:40 Fri Dec 2
Re: Mum's got cancer

Here's to a full and speedy recovery for your mum.

Mrs OTB's mum died of it about five years ago. No-one ever addressed lots of things that I'd have been all over, even right at the end, but I suppose it's horses for courses.

She was told it was inoperable from the word go, and no-one ever really said anything about the meaning of that word. For 18 months it was never spoken about, everyone just hoped she'd recover. It was only at her last appointment, where they said "Well, you could have some more chemo, but....." that the inevitable was ever faced. She hadn't even prepared a will.

As I say, that wasn't for me. I'd have wanted to know the prognosis from the first appointment so I knew what I was dealing with and so that I didn't waste a single second. But her family are different to me, just as everyone else is different. Horses for courses, as I said.

Private Dancer 11:35 Fri Dec 2
Re: Mum's got cancer

Lost me 'ard fella to the big C a few years back, flew home but missed missed him by one day. I'm still not sure if that was a good thing or not.

All the best, fella.

Swiss. 11:35 Fri Dec 2
Re: Mum's got cancer

Age is important my dad was diagnosed late with pancreatic cancer in jan and died in march. Very quick decline which I was greatful for and he was 83 so had an innings. Wish I'd spend more time with him as I've travelled a lot it wasn't easy.

Fifth Column 11:33 Fri Dec 2
Re: Mum's got cancer

I agree with what someone else said as well, go with her to appointments and ask questions because a lot of the time patients don't really "hear"/take in what is said, or don't ask questions that need to be asked.

Fifth Column 11:31 Fri Dec 2
Re: Mum's got cancer

When mum was diagnosed, I think the main thing that helped her was me and my siblings all pitching in and helping doing various things, cleaning the house, going to hospital visits etc... it wasn't necessarily the actions as much as her realising that we were all there for her.

My mum got through it after chemo. The NHS has brilliant from start to finish.

Kearley 11:22 Fri Dec 2
Re: Mum's got cancer

Dave

Sorry to hear this, and I hope she makes a full and speedy recovery, but did you say that you wiped your knob on your mum?

Barnet Steve 11:01 Fri Dec 2
Re: Mum's got cancer

I lost both my parents to cancer, and it was two very different scenarios. My Dad had lung cancer (smoked roll-ups all his life, so was no great surprise), and the end came incredibly quickly.

My mum was diagnosed late with pancreatic cancer, and it was a slow decline. She was a pragmatic sort, but I would say just be there for her and don't be afraid to ask questions of the Doctors, etc, for a clear outline of the possibilities and dangers.

My mum was one for 'not wanting to cause a fuss', so we felt we had to get all the info and pass it on to her. You will also find that the much-maligned NHS is absolutely brilliant in circumstances like this. Their care system and visiting teams are fantastic, and it was only when my mum had to be admitted to hospital that we ever had any issues.

It is different for everyone, obviously, but her knowing you are there will be a huge tower of strength. I hope she beats it. There is more chance of this now than ever before, so all the best to her - and you.

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